The Coffee Mug That Taught My Girls To Play

One evening, a good friend’s mother softly squeezed my arm after overhearing me lament to another mother my recent challenges in getting my girls to just ‘play’. She tenderly tugged my arm as she passed by and whispered, “I’ve got a great trick, come talk to me later…”

My eyes lit up and my excitement level rose to the parenting version of what you would expect upon finding a 100% off promo code for a pair of trendy wedge booties. I NEEDED to hear what tiny pearls of wisdom she was about to gift me. She was the mother to five children and nine grandchildren—this woman didn’t mess around when it came to parenting. I knew I could learn a thing or two from her.
 
I think I waited three minutes before I sought her out. When we connected later, she said to me;
“Do you have a coffee mug?”
“Do I have a mug?” I repeated. “Yes… I have a coffee mug?”
“Do you have a good one though? One that would be recognizable?” she questioned.
“I guess…” I answered. Where is this going? I wondered. This was my sage advice…?
 
Timmy (my friend's mother) told me to purchase a new coffee mug. One that would be bright and colorful and memorable. She noted that I should take this mug and fill it with coffee on weekend mornings and let my children know that when I had ‘said mug’ it meant that Mommy was going to be having ‘her’ time…‘quiet time’…basically, ‘leave me the heck alone’ time.
 
I wondered how this could possibly be a tip for promoting ‘play’ between my girls. They are notorious at asking for this and that, wanting me to play with them and bickering amongst one another—sound familiar?
 
Timmy instructed me to start slow. Take ten minutes for myself, then fifteen and then if all goes well, build to thirty-forty minutes. She noted not to allow myself to fall victim to questions or demands—to just politely lift the mug to let them know, it’s mommy’s time-out! I almost laughed at the thought of me sitting with my kids while they played at my feet. I know—your eyes are rolling (mine were too…) but,
 
Now it wasn’t perfect and it still isn’t, but, when I grab my ‘special’ mug, the girls now know what time it is. I get them perfectly set up to play (toys, projects, secondary requests, whining all up front) and then I ‘tap’ out. I don’t talk and I didn’t respond. When I am asked a question, I just merely raise my mug and amazingly, it started happening.
 
Somedays I get fifteen minutes, sometimes I get forty…and then the other half I get five. It’s not perfect but it’s my small parenting win! I honestly believe that if we let our kids sort themselves out—get situated, commit themselves, invest in what they are doing--they just figure it out! I’m sure you can agree.
 
And, when you build in a habit over time, it starts to become an expectation. My husband and I haven’t pulled out the special mugs as much as we did this summer but, when we do, it’s getting better and better. Seriously, picture two parents sitting on a couch reading magazines. I know—crazy right. But, it works and I challenge you to try it out. Timmy's wise words worked. Timmy delivered!
 
Just think—at the very least, you now have an excuse to splurge on that mug you’ve been eyeing at Chapters.  What do you have to lose?