Building Our Tribe.

I’ve been listening (shout out Audible.com!) to Sebastian Junger’s most recent novel titled Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. A powerful read that combines historical, psychological and anthropological studies to explore tribal societies and how they can teach the modern world about loyalty, trust and power. Big themes aside, it also offers many observations about the differences among families and family structure in the West.

One of the facts that resonated with me was Junger’s studies on North American and Northern European children and their extreme attachment to stuffed animals. In his opinion, this is largely due to the fact that in the West, many children sleep alone in their own rooms, a contrast to the rest of the world where children (and even whole families) share more communal spaces during the night.
 
It made sense to me. As a child, I remember being deathly afraid of the dark, of robbers breaking into the house and at one point, I remember accusing my parents of strategically putting my room at the top of the stairs so that I could act as bait for ‘bad guys’. I slept with a blanket and a stuffed bear each night and to this day, still have the bear in my possession which, when my oldest daughter was born, I passed it on to her.
 
It so happened that just prior to starting the book, my husband and I had been having discussions about having our girls share a room. Strange how stories or experiences find you when you are contemplating many of the same issues; but I digress. I’ll get into ‘Big Magic’ on another post. So while thinking through this bedroom merger, the ‘tribe’ idea really played into our final decision: yes, if they are game, they are bunking up! 

“Children who share a room are learning how to live together,
tune into each other’s feelings, compromise, problem solve and defend themselves.
It’s an experience that brings benefits they can use in future relationships.”
~Adele Faber, parent Educator of Siblings Without Rivalry

​Having a sister is special and I want them to cherish this relationship that they will have with one another, especially at the young age of three and four years old. I think sharing a room will lend to that. I want them to share a bedtime routine, chat about their day as they drift off to sleep, learn how to compromise, ease each other’s anxieties over the dark, learn to resolve conflict on their own, gain a sense of sensitivity to each other’s feelings, learn to negotiate and of course, find out more about themselves through having to share a bedroom.
 
I know there will be challenges with privacy, designated space, potentially different sleeping routines, discipline and basic sibling rivalry but I’ve been doing my research and I’ve got my coping mechanisms and plans for diplomacy already queued up. I will include them in the re-decorating (of course they’ll have mavisBLUE prints on all their walls!) and I can’t wait to get started. Our youngest daughter’s room will become an play/art room with two desks and lots of organizational space to house the influx of stuffies, art supplies and games that will need to be cleared out to make room for sister #2 but, we’re excited for the decorating challenge.
 
2017 Sister Refresh here we come!

A few fun stats about shared spaces + growing family homes:
In nearly two-thirds of homes in the U.S. with two children under the age of 18, kids share a room. (2014 NY Housing + Vacancy Survey)
 
1995 | According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median size of a single family home was 1,950 square feet with 30% of new homes having four bedrooms or more.

2014 | The median size of a single family home grew by 550 square feet to 2,500 with 46% of new homes having four bedrooms or more.